4For we know, brothers loved by God, that he has chosen you, 5because our gospel came to you not only in word, but also in power and in the Holy Spirit and with full conviction.Talked about idols in cg tonight.....again. Sometimes I get so sick of this super convicting stuff. I mean, not really, but there's a point where I just go "I GET IT GOD!!! I GET THAT I'M DOING THAT WRONG!! PLEASE just show me how to fix it!!!"
I have two big, identifiable idols:
- Identity--I have a very unstable identity which is a surprising thing to people who don't know me super well. A lot of who I am and what I do all hinge around being special, being unique, being loveable, being that girl that everyone wants to be. That's partly why I want to work in law enforcement. To be different. To do something unexpected and feel special. That's partly why I chose my school. That's partly why I raise guide dogs. That's partly why I bought a laptop and touch screen cell phone. But in reality--managing my identity has taken over my life. And it's totally not a God thing. When I take the time to sit and think about what God thinks of all this me me me me me stuff--he probably not only looks at me and goes "wow you're super self centered--which is totally screwed up because I created you to love and glorify ME" but he also probably thinks "man. *I* love you SO much. You don't have to care about what anyone else thinks because in MY eyes you're a princess and considering I'm GOD...that's a pretty big deal."
- Relationships--And I'm talking about all kinds here. I'm talking about building a good one with my parents, and my friends, and my future spouse, all of those take God's place in my life. If I were to sit down and spend time with Jesus but someone texts me, I'd answer the text. I discovered how much of a god-thing relationships have become to me when Jesus saw it fit to remove an idol from my life recently. It stung more than almost anything I've ever gone through. But through that experience I'm learning that people are only people. And, not to make any of my readers sad, but you are just a friend. You will mess up, you will disappoint me, we might drift apart, and you may decide I'm not worth your time or energy. As sad as that would be, I PRAY that if anyone becomes a god-person in my life that he will show me how I put them up in his place and that if I don't repent that he will take them away from me.
Ugh. So much heaviness. I feel a burden on my shoulders. I feel like I will never get this "Christian" thing right. (even though I know I don't have to because Jesus paid it all, and all to HIM I owe)