Wednesday, December 18, 2013

All the single ladies....

Pastor Mark made a super interesting comment the other day. Instead of just making a list of things you want in a spouse, make a list of things you want to be for your future spouse.

A best friend. I want to be the first person he thinks of texting when he hears a funny story or wants to complain about the overtime at work. Who he pictures going with him to the Seahawks game. 

An encourager. I want to help him pursue his dreams. On those days that just suck, I want to speak words of life to him. To find ways to let him know I care and am behind him 100%. 

A helper. And it kills me because every feministic bone in my body is screaming at me for typing that. But it's true. I want to make a beautiful and relaxing home. I want to make breakfast for 2 in the morning, and spaghetti for dayssss. I want to help him fix the car and mow the lawn. I want to work hard in my career field to help make money not so much of an issue.

A mom. I want to have a big family with so much love and patience and jokes and silliness and loud laughter. I want to teach my kids what the difference is between chloroform and chlorophyll. I want to let them watch "Up" while we're all snuggled up on the couch. I want them to "read" their Bible with me before bed, and to get to tell them the Jesus stories over and over. I want to have foster kids who rebel and make us want to cry.

A sister in Christ. I want to go to church together. To sing about Jesus together. To pray together every day. To ask him tough questions and discuss our thoughts. To hold him accountable in the areas he's struggling with. To lead a community group with him.

That's just the beginning. I want to be someone he's proud of. When I walk in the bar while he's talking with his friends, I want him to be so excited to tell his friends "that's my wife!!" 

Sunday, December 15, 2013

You take brokenness aside and make it beautiful

I believe that the world is a beautiful place. I have to. 

At the risk of sounding conceited, I'm going to say it anyway--I have a really hard job. This week I spent 20 hours listening to people's problems. As 911 operators we are taught to let it roll off you. Someone starts yelling at you because the police didn't respond the first time they whined about the noise next door? Let it go. Someone starts ranting about how terrible you are at your job? Let it go. Someone starts getting impatient because you ask them to repeat things? Let it go. Your officer asks you for the third time to repeat that plate? Let it go. Your officer gets frustrated because you aren't fast enough? Let it go. Your officer isn't paying attention to his radio? Let it go.

This week I hit a point with a couple calls where I couldn't let it go. I can still hear her voice ringing in my ears. The sound of her desperately trying to keep it together for her small child while the horror of what just happened starts creeping in. The panic turning to tears. "I'm going to burn these clothes." 

I have to believe the world is a beautiful place, because I know it's full of dirty, broken things. I have first hand knowledge of what human beings can do to each other. I also know that the world is beautiful because of its creator. People are imperfect, rotten, and evil. Jesus loves people so much that he made an incredible sacrifice. God made the flowers. He made the blue sky and the beach. He made pristine snow and puppies to romp through it. He makes beautiful things out of dust. He takes brokenness aside and makes it beautiful.

Some people call it optimism, others say "oh don't worry, with time you'll become cynical like us." I have to believe the world is a beautiful place because I don't WANT to be like them. I want to always care about how that CPR in progress call ended. I want my heart to always hurt when someone goes to jail. I love what I do. It really has to be a field you're called into, not just a job. Friends and family will never know how it drains you, how you can differentiate between types of crying over the phone. You tell them the funny stories because those are the ones you want to remember.

I believe the world is a beautiful place. Because I have to.