All the single ladies....

Pastor Mark made a super interesting comment the other day. Instead of just making a list of things you want in a spouse, make a list of things you want to be for your future spouse.

A best friend. I want to be the first person he thinks of texting when he hears a funny story or wants to complain about the overtime at work. Who he pictures going with him to the Seahawks game. 

An encourager. I want to help him pursue his dreams. On those days that just suck, I want to speak words of life to him. To find ways to let him know I care and am behind him 100%. 

A helper. And it kills me because every feministic bone in my body is screaming at me for typing that. But it's true. I want to make a beautiful and relaxing home. I want to make breakfast for 2 in the morning, and spaghetti for dayssss. I want to help him fix the car and mow the lawn. I want to work hard in my career field to help make money not so much of an issue.

A mom. I want to have a big family with so much love and patience and jokes and silliness and loud laughter. I want to teach my kids what the difference is between chloroform and chlorophyll. I want to let them watch "Up" while we're all snuggled up on the couch. I want them to "read" their Bible with me before bed, and to get to tell them the Jesus stories over and over. I want to have foster kids who rebel and make us want to cry.

A sister in Christ. I want to go to church together. To sing about Jesus together. To pray together every day. To ask him tough questions and discuss our thoughts. To hold him accountable in the areas he's struggling with. To lead a community group with him.

That's just the beginning. I want to be someone he's proud of. When I walk in the bar while he's talking with his friends, I want him to be so excited to tell his friends "that's my wife!!" 

And you take me the way I am.

I can't remember if it was one of the chapters in the Girls Gone Wise book or one of Pastor Mark's Real Marriage sermons that got me thinking about this. Someone said that you need to stop making just the lists of things you want in your future husband, you need to make the list of things you want to BE for your future husband.

Caring, able to accept correction, capable, strong, humble, servant-like, a place of refuge. That's the little list.

I spent this afternoon watching my mentor's 4 and 7 year-old boys . It's weird because I could kind of see what it would be like to be a mom. I've babysat 5 million times, but I've been thinking a lot about marriage, family, and how to prepare myself for my future jobs. Man, I think the biggest thing I need to work on is patience. After losing at checkers, 2 games of Sorry, and a math game I was frustrated. I realized that not only am I really competitive, I'm also really used to getting my own way. As in, if I want to go to my room and watch a movie, I can. If I want to go outside and walk, I can. Pastor Mark says that single people are the most selfish people, and that hit me really hard. I'm really excited to be a wife and mother someday and I'm praying that God will be teaching me the character of a godly one.

It's odd how much my perspective has changed in a couple of weeks spent really looking at marriage and being a woman. Strength doesn't need to be defiant and saying "I can do anything a man can do." Don't get me wrong, I'm still trying to be in the law enforcement field because I really want to help people. But I can do that AND be gracious.

That was the day I promised I'd never sing of love if it did not exist

I've been watching the Real Marriage series. It's REALLY good. Super practical even for us single people.

Today's is on porn. I'm only 30 minutes in and I had to stop it 1) because I had to go to class and 2) it was such a powerful message. It was interesting because he was talking about how even thinking about a person who is not your spouse in certain ways can be sin. The last one was on sexual assault, and that was also a toughie. If you know someone who is struggling with being a victim of assault, please refer them to this message. It's full of grace, love, and redemption.

Evidences of God's Grace:

• huge progress on my thesis
• feeling on top of homework
• it's Tuesday!!
• conviction of sin that no one sees, but is impacting my life
• getting the hall sphere of excellence from a ressie

It's a New Day

I'm baaaaaack!! And full of all kinds of plans and exciting thoughts for what I can write on here, etc. Actually achieving those things will be the challenge, but nothing is gained from sitting around and thinking about it.

So since I last posted a bit has changed:

• I'm a senior in college
• I'm a Resident Assistant in the first-year residence halls
• I'm 21
• I've found a neat college church
• I've begun the police officer testing process twice
• I've had some major disappointments and some huge successes
• I've made some incredible friendships and grown apart from some people that I truly miss

Yesterday I found out some very disappointing news. I applied for a Police Reserve job with a department that I was extremely excited about. It would have been pretty much perfect. The testing process was an emotional roller coaster, but I had hope. Yesterday I received the news that I will not be getting the position. I spent a long time, pretty much the whole afternoon, struggling with WHY. Jesus sent me this verse:

"Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will act." Psalm 37:5 

That was my encouragement to keep going. And goodness it's tough. Because now I'll be stressing out all over again until I find another job that I'm excited for. But that's ok. 

On the bright side, my residents have started coming back from break!!! I love them so much. They have no idea. I've always liked being needed, and this year my ressies have been phenomenal. Yes, I occasionally have to be the "you're breaking policy" RA, but most of the time I have a blast just hanging out with them and getting to know them. They call me Mama Duck because I explained to them at the very beginning of the year that they're like my little ducklings since they follow me around everywhere and ask me for help for everything. Some of them have flown the coop already, but I've held on to most of them and we get along just fine. :)

I've been listening to Mars Hill's Real Marriage series. I know, I know, I'm not married. I don't even have a boyfriend. I'm not even CLOSE to having a boyfriend. But the message I just finished was on how to be a respectful wife and I learned so much. I was so blown away that I'm going to listen to it again to take notes. Basically, this is something that all women who desire to love Jesus and show it in their lives and marriages (present or future) should listen to. 

So that's the most recent news.  I'm excited to start this again, to be able to put my thoughts down in writing. It won't always be profound. In fact, most of the time it'll probably be the day-to-day mundane things that I love so much about life. But 5 years from now, I'll be able to remember what life was like. So 'till next time.

Repentance, textbooks, and 16-passenger vans

We talked a lot about reaching out to non-Christians and sharing our faith with them today. When I was reading through the Radical Reformission by Mark Driscoll, this quote stuck out to me that came to mind when we were talking about being on mission in our areas:

As long as Christians fail to repent of self-righteousness, we will continue to speak of evangelism in terms such as outreach which implies we will not embrace lost people but will keep them at least an arm's length away...Repentance enables us to kneel humbly with fellow sinners at the foot of the cross so they can see Jesus without our pride rising up to encumber their view.

In other news, I ordered 2 of my textbooks today. This fall my classes will all be pretty sweet and I'm excited to get started!

I was thinking about Academy again, trying to keep memories fresh. And I was remembering the last day, Sunday, Graduation day, and we all woke up with this kind of "whatever" mood. Like what can they do to us today? Nothing we haven't done already. No one yelled at us in the mess hall, and I don't think I did any pushups all day. Instead, we all carpooled over to the rec center and practiced marching in to graduation and how the ceremony would go. Getting there was an adventure since we didn't have a Redmond officer to drive us. We ended up riding in vans with other posts and my van was crammed full of guys. There will probably 20 people in our 16 passenger van. But for some reason I managed to get put in the shot gun seat so I had it easy :) And on the ride over I had a great time talking to a deputy about why he joined a county department instead of city. He didn't have a reputation for being the easiest person to talk to so I was half scared to be stuck next to him the whole ride but he turned out to be pretty cool. Goes to show you can't believe everything you hear :)

And I'm just trying to love you, in any way that I can

Spent the evening with my little bro. He drives me NUTS sometimes, but he's still an okay kid and an ever-ready companion. For instance, I decided that my car was looking a little sad and dusty so it needed to be washed! Small was more than eager to help me wash it if it meant getting to play with the hose. Then we watched Pirates of the Caribbean (the last spelling bee I ever participated in, I got out because of the word Caribbean. I've been able to spell it fine ever since) and ate popcorn with butter on it--inspired by Jill.

Tomorrow will be a long, but hopefully fun, day. Making brownies in the morning followed by a meeting with Kirsten's new boyfriend, a walk with Nicole, and coffee with Jess...all in 5 hours. Then will be our last ever meeting as one big community group--so we're having a BBQ at Hannah's. After this week, we're splitting in half. Hugely sad, but I have confidence that God will grow each of our groups to be unique and a huge blessing to its community. I'm excited to see how we grow in these next 3 months.

Thinking of college, I found out my orientation date is July 28th. SUPER excited and a little nervous. At orientation I'll get to meet with academic advisors in both of my departments, get my picture taken for the ID card, and find out my dorm assignment. Afterwards, I'm planning on hunting down the local restaurants and finding out if they're hiring for the school year. If the Ellensburg PD gets back to me, I might have to meet with someone there to find out about volunteering, too. So like I said, super exciting but kind of nerve-wracking....hoping I get everything done that needs to get done, etc.

Oh, and I've been doing a little bit of reading these days. The first book I've gotten to dig in to is

I've started the book of James and have been trying a different approach with reading my Bible. I get a lot of application out of it, but it's easy for me to forget the "application" 3 weeks later. So I'm trying to read it just to get a better picture of Jesus and look more for the attributes of God. When I was in James 2, the section on partiality jumped out at me. The fact that we shouldn't pick favorites because someone is popular--that's in the Bible. Ugh. So convicting.

Second book I've been reading is

Yes, Radical Reformission by Mr. Driscoll. Last chapter I read was on how important it is to engage the culture without becoming just like it. What is frustrating to me is if you're living in a way that's relateable to the average person, why would they ask you about Jesus? I guess if you give Him glory for all the good in your life....but I've been a re-focused Christian for 2 years and no one has asked me about God. Fail.

Third book (and one I highly recommend if you like suspense/action novels) is

Separation of Power from Vince Flynn's collection of super amazing books. I don't want to give away too much plot, but they're political thrillers... plenty of assassinations and assassins involved.

That's a snippet for the day. Have a lovely Thursday y'all.

Changed By Jesus--Mars Hill's impact on my life

The Bellevue campus sent out a message to its attendees asking for stories of how Mars Hill has changed people's lives. I didn't intend to send anything in because I'm such a boring, blah, normal person. But I realized that many people probably don't send in their stories for the same reason. And yes, Mars Hill has radically changed my life, so I thought it'd be a good exercise for me to look at how--even if I don't end up sending it in.

I've grown up as a church kid. From a very early age I've heard about Jesus and how being good makes God happy. Even as a college sophomore, I've never had alcohol, never done drugs, never slept around, and never done "bad" things in general. I think my relationship with Jesus became real when I was a high school Sophomore, but I knew very little about His true character. Every day I fell into the "if I'm good, God will love me" lie and was overwhelmed by guilt and a sense of being trapped.

Two years ago my family started attending Mars Hill Eastside. Resisting change, I drug my feet and tried to make every Sunday as miserable as possible. I complained about the coffee, the music, and how no one talked to me. Last July I decided to try a community group. At first I was overwhelmed by the 14 guys and only 4 girls. However, for some reason I came back again and again. My cg leader has a story pretty similar to mine. He challenged me to step out of my initial "church kid" response to everything and to see a different Jesus than I was used to.

When I did, I discovered that I had a relationship with Jesus that was driven by a desire to do things instead of a fear for the consequences. I discovered a desire to serve that didn't come naturally before. I discovered that sharing Jesus with my friends doesn't have to be a theological discussion...it can be a Facebook status. I learned about showing grace. I learned how to study my Bible. And last, but not least, I learned how to forgive the deep pain and anger from my past. 

My community group has been a huge influence on my life. Some of the people in that group make sure I don't fall back into the "church kid" pattern. My cg leader's wife is an amazing example of a godly woman and I have learned so much from just watching her. And through these people I'm seeing how to legitimately pray and live my life in view of the fact that it really IS all about Jesus..instead of just saying it is. I'm finally understanding what my youth pastor was saying when he said "being a Christian shouldn't be part of your biography: I'm a dancer, actor, Christian, and waitress. It should BE your biography."

I could go on and on about the preaching and how I've seen God work in miraculous ways in my life since I've come to Mars Hill, but it's really the people doing life with me that have changed everything.

"Live in a big, bold way....with humility"--Pastor Mark

This will be the struggle of my life.

books, books, books

So I got my books today! Wednesday I went on a random "I need good books!" Amazon shopping spree and they came this afternoon. What's been added to Anna's shelf, you ask? I'd be happy to tell you!

First off we have Religion Saves (and nine other misconceptions) by Mark Driscoll

Even though I was there when this series was preached, I think it'll not only be a good refresher, but also a fantastic book to have at college with me!

Second you'll find The Radical Reformission (reaching out with out selling out) also by Mark Driscoll

I think the thing that caught me on this one was the subtitle. I'm excited to read it :)

Last, but certainly not least, is a book recommended to me by my wonderful friend Emily...Searching For God Knows What by Donald Miller

As I was ordering my two previous books that I knew I 'had to have' I got a notice from Amazon saying "if you add $2.11 more to your cart, you'll get free shipping". So of course I had to add one more book! I hopped onto Facebook and glory be, Emily just happened to be online and so I told her to give me the name of a book I really should read. And this was the winner.

So, even though I have absolutely no free time, I'm looking forward to reading these books soon!!!

I'll sing out...my God is faithful

Last night's sermon was on Luke 6:17-36. I've spent the last several hours digesting everything I heard. I was very convicted by the fact that I tend to conform too much to the world and not have a strong enough backbone to stand up for what I believe. Also, I so easily fall into the back-stabbing that everyone else does. After the sermon, Pastor Chris said "if I asked any one of your friends or family if you're a Christian and they even hesitated before they answered, something's wrong." Yeah.....I think there would be some hesitation. So I'm praying for strength to always give glory back to Jesus and strength to stand when necessary.

Some questions I walked away with last night:

• If everyone loves you something's wrong...So what do I do when I feel like everyone does? Am I just tricking myself?
• Love your enemies. Sure. Why can't I think of any enemies?
• Once you identify who hate you, how do you practically love them? How does blessing those who curse you look?
• I know I should be forgiving to ******* because he's one of the people who has done me the most evil. I've tried but can't forgive. How can I work on that?
• Jesus IN me.
• Guard yourself against doubt.

One way God has shown is grace in my life is...

another $1,500 scholarship which means that I have enough $$ to go to Central next fall.

how He's been showing me that my desires to work in law enforcement aren't selfish and attention seeking.

peace in the middle of daily turmoil.

laughter with people I didn't know 6 months ago.

freedom from idols.

how He showed me that my relationships and friends have become far too important to me and that I need to re-focus on Him.

But I NEVER do that.

Last night's sermon on legalism hit home (like Pastor Mark's sermons usually do). But the one last night focused on legalism and anti-legalism. At first, when I hear the term "legalism" I think "I go to Mars Hill. We're the least legalistic church I know." But then I kept listening and realized that legalism is any sort of rule that we add to the Bible. I am praying that Jesus will show me areas where I'm legalistic, because I know there are things that I place importance on, that the Bible doesn't. I just can't think of them right now. One could be not going to church every week, or working on Sunday.

However, God is good, and loving, and gracious, and continues to want to be in relationship with me--even when I add things to the beautiful story He wrote.

Evidences of God's Grace:

• preliminary results from an audition
• recognizing growth in my life
• time to be still before the Lord
• kids and their wittiness
• Emily Yeaton, her school friends, and Jill Bakke and late nights doing ridiculous things
• blogs which make me think

Out of the Closet

Tonight during tech, one of my fellow techies brought out this article from The Stranger (which is know to be a very liberal newspaper) and was bashing Mark Driscoll and talking about how ridiculous the church is. Then, this is what went down:

Me: Why do you say [it's ridiculous]?
Sam: It has like a cult following!
Me: Oh, just wondering cause I go to that church.
Sam: You're kidding.
Me: Nope. Not at all.
Sam: No. No. You're totally lying.
Me: No! You can check my Facebook page...anything! I definitely go there.
Sam: Oh, well I have friends who go there and everything. I just....

A few minutes later, after our teacher, Brian, had read the article, I had a very similar conversation with him, too. And then I set the record straight that I'm 99% sure Mark Driscoll didn't write that article. Brian goes "so does your church repress women, too?" I went, "no way! I definitely wouldn't go there if they did!!!" (side note: can you imagine ME going to a church that represses women!?!?!?)

So I spent the rest of the night with thoughts flying through my head "why did they doubt me so much?" "Am I a really terrible witness--did they think that I'm too bad to be a Christian?" "Have I been a good witness now that they know?" "Will this change everything?" Fortunately it didn't seem to change too much. At least tonight. But I'm thankful that God's been changing my heart and allowing me to admit when I'm wrong and showing me how to love broken people. Because I can say that 6 months ago there would have been more ammo against me. For instance, I'm very very glad that I apologized to Brian for complaining about waiting around during tech. It was a little thing, but I feel so much more liberated from it, and he told me he appreciated the apology. And that was before this whole discovery that I'm "one of those Mars Hill kids".

Now I'm half nervous. It's like any time people find out huge things about you. I know I'll be judged on everything from now on. Good thing there are only 2 nights and a day left!  Now I need to be spending time with Jesus more than ever.

Please pray for me.

Thank goodess for Ruth

I'm really loving the sermon series Redeeming Ruth. It's extremely timely for me because although I'm generally not too concerned about boys and getting married, it's been very helpful information. And plus I just love Pastor Mark.

Partly because of this series and partly just because of other stuff going on, I'm trying to be joyful in everything. In the rain, in being single, in my job, in school, in working hard, in silence, in Jesus, in exercise, in responsibility, in friends.

Worth Your Time

If you're single, this sermon series is worth your time. I LOVE it.

Lord, teach me to live

(Tell me she isn't adorable)

Last night the sermon at Mars Hill challenged me on a few levels. The first one is that right now is the time I need to be living for Jesus. Right now is when I should be investing in ministry and "pouring myself out" as Pastor Mark called it. When is a better time to learn from my non-Christian friends? 

At first, I thought "oh, I don't fall in to the trap of saying I'll do it later....I'm ALWAYS doing something!" But the relationship thing scares me. I don't know how to live in a way where I have an open heart to everyone, but can still stay strong in my own beliefs. 

Lord, teach me the difference between being a good influence and being annoying. Show me who you want me to befriend. Teach me how to live right now so that I don't waste this life. Teach me how to LIVE.

My problem with "church"

Ok, so I happen to be blessed immensely by being able to go to Mars Hill Church and sit under the preaching of godly men like Chris Swan, Bill Clem, and Mark Driscoll. However--I have noticed that even though I receive some of the strongest Bible teaching in the nation, going to church has again become a chore/social event some days. When I'm surrounded by this amazing preaching I've started losing the amazing-ness of it.

Today on my way home from visiting Mars Hill Church's Ballard campus I was pondering this phenomenon. Let me explain a bit about Mars Hill Church (MH). We are one church in 10 separate locations (a.k.a. campuses). Most of the time Mark Driscoll preaches live at the "hub" of MH, the Ballard campus and the rest of the campuses watch that sermon via a video the next week. Occasionally the "campus pastors" will also preach a live sermon at their own campuses. I, personally, go to MH's Bellevue Campus (a.k.a. Bellevue).

So with that being said, I think I figured out my problem--why this complacency has set in. Getting to know people in a church is a hugely important thing. I can't say enough about how important community is in my relationship with Jesus. However once I made friends, I started worrying about what they think of me, how I look, etc. I want to impress THEM instead of focusing on the reason I'm there. Also when I've gotten to know the bands, learned Pastor Chris' vision for Bellevue and his style of preaching, gotten used to the flow of a Bellevue service, it just becomes commonplace. Visiting Ballard was a fantastic experience. Going to another campus just shakes it up a bit. The band played the same songs I'm used to, but differently. Pastor Bill spoke about the same Jesus I'm used to, just with a different focus. The people around me worshiped hardcore like we do, but I didn't know them so it didn't matter what they thought of me.

My resolution, having experienced this amazing thing, is to visit other campuses frequently. That could mean once a month or once a quarter, but I want to shake up my routine a bit and experience Jesus in a whole new way every time I think I'm getting complacent.