And I'm just trying to love you, in any way that I can

Spent the evening with my little bro. He drives me NUTS sometimes, but he's still an okay kid and an ever-ready companion. For instance, I decided that my car was looking a little sad and dusty so it needed to be washed! Small was more than eager to help me wash it if it meant getting to play with the hose. Then we watched Pirates of the Caribbean (the last spelling bee I ever participated in, I got out because of the word Caribbean. I've been able to spell it fine ever since) and ate popcorn with butter on it--inspired by Jill.

Tomorrow will be a long, but hopefully fun, day. Making brownies in the morning followed by a meeting with Kirsten's new boyfriend, a walk with Nicole, and coffee with Jess...all in 5 hours. Then will be our last ever meeting as one big community group--so we're having a BBQ at Hannah's. After this week, we're splitting in half. Hugely sad, but I have confidence that God will grow each of our groups to be unique and a huge blessing to its community. I'm excited to see how we grow in these next 3 months.

Thinking of college, I found out my orientation date is July 28th. SUPER excited and a little nervous. At orientation I'll get to meet with academic advisors in both of my departments, get my picture taken for the ID card, and find out my dorm assignment. Afterwards, I'm planning on hunting down the local restaurants and finding out if they're hiring for the school year. If the Ellensburg PD gets back to me, I might have to meet with someone there to find out about volunteering, too. So like I said, super exciting but kind of nerve-wracking....hoping I get everything done that needs to get done, etc.

Oh, and I've been doing a little bit of reading these days. The first book I've gotten to dig in to is

I've started the book of James and have been trying a different approach with reading my Bible. I get a lot of application out of it, but it's easy for me to forget the "application" 3 weeks later. So I'm trying to read it just to get a better picture of Jesus and look more for the attributes of God. When I was in James 2, the section on partiality jumped out at me. The fact that we shouldn't pick favorites because someone is popular--that's in the Bible. Ugh. So convicting.

Second book I've been reading is

Yes, Radical Reformission by Mr. Driscoll. Last chapter I read was on how important it is to engage the culture without becoming just like it. What is frustrating to me is if you're living in a way that's relateable to the average person, why would they ask you about Jesus? I guess if you give Him glory for all the good in your life....but I've been a re-focused Christian for 2 years and no one has asked me about God. Fail.

Third book (and one I highly recommend if you like suspense/action novels) is

Separation of Power from Vince Flynn's collection of super amazing books. I don't want to give away too much plot, but they're political thrillers... plenty of assassinations and assassins involved.

That's a snippet for the day. Have a lovely Thursday y'all.

wise words to live by

My God, my Father while I stray
Far from my home on life's rough way
Oh, teach me from my heart to say
Thy will be done.

Though dark my path and sad my lot
Let me be still and murmur not
Or breathe the prayer divinely taught
Thy will be done.

But if my fainting heart be blessed
With the Holy Spirit for its guest
My God to Thee I leave the rest
Thy will be done.

If Thou should call me to resign
What most I prize never was mine
I only yield Thee what is Thine
Thy will be done.

And when on earth I breathe no more
The prayer with tears was mixed before
I'll sing upon that joyful shore
Thy will be done!

Tomorrow is in Your hands, help me live today

This weekend I will have spent 4 days with the same people...good thing I like them a lot! Thurs night was community group, as normal. Last night I got to go to prayer night at Heather's parents' house (complete with bonfire, yes that was fun!). Today, the cg is going camping for the weekend. I'm teaching T3 tomorrow morning, so I can't stay the night but Aaron and Jessie are going down for the day, so they're going to pick me up so I can gallivant around the campground with them! There will be a certain fun event going on there that I really can't blog about, but you'll have to text or message me on Facebook or something if you want to know details. Just know it's going to be a-mazing! And then tomorrow is church, as always!

I've been kind of "off" emotionally this whole week. I think it's partially due to the thing with my mom, and just being relied on for EVERYTHING. I am working on repenting of this attitude I have about how it's not fair that I'm stuck at home doing all the chores and responding to "Anna, can you help me do....." every 5 minutes. My mom has been a huge help my entire life, the least I can do is run errands for her, do her laundry, and help with the little things that are impossible to do one-handed. So if you want to pray for our family, pray that we will have patience for the results coming back and that I will have a joyful heart as I get to help out these two weeks.

I finished Hebrews on Wednesday, so I decided to just continue on and go through James. I ran into a section talking about temptation that made me think a bit. It says "let no one say when he is tempted 'I am being tempted by God,' for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death." (James 1:13-15 ESV)

I think what I had to figure out in this is when crappy situations happen, my response is usually "oh, God is teaching me something." Or like "God is teaching me to save money when I am driving and decide I need a Chipotle burrito." Skewed theology right there. Part of God's character is that he absolutely cannot tempt me to sin. If I want to sin, it's all in MY head. So when things come up that are tempting, it's not God putting those in my path. It's my sin-nature telling me I want something. I don't know if that makes any sense to anyone but me. :)

Oh! Oh! P.S. I discovered that there is a Mars Hill Music podcast on iTunes. BRILLIANT.

Of gravel and suburns

I shoveled a million tons of gravel today. It was all good, though, because I was doing it with 3 of my super amazing Explorer friends. Even the most tedious and frustrating work can be fun when there are 2 or 3 guys laughing at you! (or your inability to get the heavy wheelbarrow full of gravel up the super steep ramp) It was a lovely way to spend the glorious sunshiney day! Even though I wish I would have worn shorts, not jeans and layered shirts.

My mom is doing well after her surgery, thanks for everyone's prayers. She's always been a trooper and even made it to community group tonight.

Hopefully tomorrow will be as glorious as today. But I doubt it. Probably rain or overcast-ness. Oh well, there won't be anyone for me to spend it with anyway. Starting tomorrow, I'm the official babysitter/chauffeur for my little brother and mom until her hand heals. It will be an interesting week.

Domesticity

Today I played 'house'. My mom went in for surgery super early this morning so yours truly stayed home and watched the Small monster. (i.e. Daniel) It's also my first week off from school! So, 9am rolled around, and the beast was hungry. So big sister Anna made french toast. It went as well as can be expected. I remembered to feed him his vitamins and even made syrup!

On Mondays, he gets to play an hour on the computer or the Xbox, so after breakfast he played and I cleaned up from breakfast and got to play around on my computer for a little while. Then we went on a 6-mile bike ride. It was really fun! Except for the super mega hill that leads up to our house on the way back....Favorite moment was when one lady stopped us and goes "are you our new neighbors?" and I said "I don't think so!" And then the lady responds, "Oh, because a boy and his mom who look like you guys moved in down the road." Yeah...I'm really not old enough to be Daniel's mom....but that's okay!

Then we got to see Toy Story 3! It was a really well done movie. Yeah, I'll admit I even got a little scared in one scene! Ran a few errands for my mom and mailed Jill's package, and then headed home. The entire day, Daniel talked and talked and talked. If you haven't met Small, you wouldn't know this, but he doesn't shut up. Ever. So by the time I'm driving home, I have a bit of a headache and really just want to go curl up in bed. But NO, I know my mom won't be up for cleaning once she gets home, so I clean the bathroom and kitchen. 

One of the wonderful families from our church brought us dinner! So fortunately, I didn't have to create something. It was delicious homemade macaroni and cheese that Daniel swore he wouldn't like, but sheepishly asked for seconds after he actually tasted it. THEN, we ran up to the store and got some flowers for my mom. Came back and Daniel put one of the bunches of flowers in my mom's room for her. He really has a sweet heart even if he can't control his mouth. 

I got to put the remaining flowers together in 2 bouquets (which is one girly thing I CAN do!) and then loaded the dishwasher and started it up. So now, the kitchen and bathroom are clean, Small is out playing with the neighbor, the house smells like roses, and I get a full 30 minutes to spend with just my Bible and my blog...and eventually a latte. 

Let me tell you, I'm in no hurry to have this kind of responsibility. Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to be a wife and a mom! But after a day like this, I'm just exhausted. Add to that the emotional factors of everything that's been going on...it's an interesting time in my life right now. And I'm so thankful for it!

So now, I'm going to spend my remaining 15 minutes in Hebrews 12.....and the section heading that I saw first when glancing at the page is "Do Not Grow Weary". Again, good timing.

500 miles

And I would walk 500 miles/and I would walk 500 more/just to be the man who walks 1000 miles/to fall down at your door.

Last day of school today. I miss Caroline a lot. (and I agree, Caro, at some point we really should live in the same time zone) I feel like my summer is a completely clean white board with nothing written on it yet. It's kind of exciting, but kind of scary because I always like to have things planned out. So when I was reading Hebrews 11 (the chapter on faith) it was rather convenient timing. It talked about all the Biblical "heroes of faith" and what made them so great. And then it talked about how all of these people lived in view of eternity and of what will come when they go to be with Jesus instead of focusing on this world. Yeah, that's a good lesson, and very good timing.

Hebrews 9-10

AAAAAAAA!!! Guess what? I love reading my Bible!!!!!! I love reading it just to read it, and not because I "have to" or "need to study it". Just reading it without trying to pull out a life application. Hebrews is perfect for that. I'm blown away by how truly awesome the whole redemption story is. Hebrews 9 and 10 have been today's section...they compare and contrast the old covenant to the new covenant, and it makes so much sense!

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23 and
"But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls." Hebrews 10:39

Last Finals

Last Finals seems redundant. But, it's my last 3 days of finals ever at BCC. Tomorrow I have a 7:30am Oceanography final and an 11:30am drama final. The oceanography one will be hard because it's both a ton of questions over this past section AND cumulative.

Thursday I have the singing finals, and Friday I have my business final. That's it! Tomorrow I'm going to spend some time in Hebrews :)

Work

I no longer have a job. My boss informed me today that the restaurant has been bought by someone, and that today was our last day ever. Now I have to stress over finding a new job. Half of me is very concerned, and half of me knows that Jesus will provide--he always has.

It's just the practical things I'm worrying about. Like my pledge for the building fund that I'm turning in to Mars Hill Bellevue tomorrow...I no longer have an income to supply that money but I feel like I should still pledge the same amount and be confident that God will provide it. It's all HIS money anyway....even if I don't get a new job to pay for it, I can just dip into savings. No matter what, I'm just trying to be at peace. But I'll miss my old job so much.

End In Sight

I will never ever again write a paper for Bellevue College. Ever.

It's pretty smooth sailing from here--2 labs, 2 final tests, and 2 final presentations and I'm done by the 18th. Thank you, God. Literally.

I had a lovely dinner with my little sis. I feel better about her dating this boy, but worse at the same time. I'm just looking forward to having a talk with him because I feel like that determines my view of the whole relationship. I think K is coming from the right point of view, but she just needs to be careful. So after finals, K and S and I will hang out and then S and I will have a "talk" (during which I will find out if he's worthy of dating my little sister) and then I'll head off to Central.

It was funny because K and I were talking about how we should totally do a double date.....the problem being I don't have any guys I'm comfortable enough with to ask them to be my "date". lol. *sigh*

P.s. I'm slacking off in reading my Bible again. I'm still talking with Jesus and listening to sermons, but just not reading. I should get on that.

Zeke

My parents' community group leaders, Sam and Jackie, lost their 6 month old baby (Zeke) today. He just all of a sudden stopped breathing. Please pray for them and their kids Sam (7ish), Annabelle (5ish), and Eden (2ish)

What I've learned from college

Looking back on the year it's been since I graduated, I can't believe how much has happened. I peeked into some of the stuff I wrote back then for bios, etc. and half wanted to laugh, half wanted to cry. How do you tell a newly graduated senior that their life has so radically changed? It's not something you'll believe if I tell you...you have to experience it for yourself. But here's a few off the top of my head (thanks Emily for making me write this):

SCHOOL

• never underestimate the power of exercise and eating healthfully--not only will it keep off the Freshman 15, it also keeps you from getting sick. And getting sick while in college is your worst enemy.
• professors are there to help you--they're scary at first but don't be intimidated or too proud to ask for help. I learned that the hard way.
• it never hurts to ask--if you think you received an unfair grade on something, ask if you can re-do it! Chances are they'll be surprised that you care so much and say yes!
• take it seriously--you only have one shot.

FRIENDS

• you will lose friends. Especially as everyone heads different ways. It will be heartbreaking. I have cried harder over losing friends than anything else this past year. But there will be new friends, so don't worry. really.
• friends do dumb things. Like sometimes they date dumb boys. Often, they date dumb boys. Don't relax your standards for the guys your friends date. But love them just the same.
• Skype is your new best friend.
• stay in community with good, strong Christians.
• make an effort to stay in contact with old friends. Even if they don't care about you anymore.
• make friends with people who you would never normally associate with. You will learn the most from them.

LIFE

• figuring out the delicate balance between how much your parents need to know and how much privacy to maintain is super hard, but super important
• you don't need a boyfriend. Really. I know it's hard to believe, but I've made it. (and I'm only partially broken and bruised so, ya know...)
• career plans change. Just go with it.
• related to that, don't get stuck in a major. Just because you've done theater your whole life doesn't mean you NEED to major in theater. I learned that the hard way.
• Take as many opportunities as possible to try things and branch out. Especially the ones that scare you.
• Actively look for what God wants for your life. In the big, the little, who you need to tell about Jesus, what you need to cut out of your schedule, how often you should go to church events, all of it.
• get a job.
• it's okay to cry. Yes, it took me until my Sophomore year of college to learn that lesson well.
• whatever you do, don't compromise your standards. If you give in once, you will regret it.

If nothing else, know that you will get busy. But the one thing that you CAN NOT drop when your schedule starts filling up is spending time with Jesus. I am still fighting with this one. 

Educated beyond intelligence

I'm not going to lie: today hasn't been a great day. This hasn't been a great week. Not to say today was an awful day, it just wasn't the best. I have this massive group project that's half due tomorrow. I've done SO much work on it, we'd better get a good grade!! I feel like everyone helped out and then left me to finish it off. *sigh* so I'm exhausted and will feel 76% better once the paper is turned in tomorrow.

On another note, my old geology prof came in to the restaurant today. She comes in frequently and we always have a good chat. She's so much more of a friend and less of a prof now. Another happy thing is that I'm done with school on the 18th. Unfortunately, I have a TON of stuff to do between now and then, but it's half a month away! I also re-did a paper which I think I received an unfair grade on, and changed my grade from a C- to an A-!! I also wrote a star paper on the Arizona SB 1070 law, and I'm very proud of it. :)

So in the next 2 weeks I have 2 more papers, 2 finals, 1 group project presentation, 2 final performance presentations, 4 nights of work, along with working as traffic control for Duvall Days with the Explorer post, an Explorer meeting, watching Iron Man 2 with Kalee, lunch with Jessie, some sort of meal with Kirsten, at least lunch but probably more with Emily, an Oceanography field trip to Alki Beach, all-Saturday voice rehearsal, a guide dog meeting, community group, children's ministry chaos Sunday, and a scholarship luncheon. So if I neglect to contact you, or seem to vanish off the face of the earth, this is why. *snore*

P.S. you guys suck at reminding me to read my Bible.