Sunday, January 31, 2010


The possibilities for summer activities are endless. Today, the director of a summer camp asked some of my friends at Mars Hill and I if we were college students and told us we should apply to work there. Pay is $150/week which isn't amazing but it would be an awesome experience! Even for part of the summer.

Also, Mars Hill might be sending missions teams to Haiti and that may be something God wants me to join in on. I dunno.

I also realized that joining the Police Explorers may mean I can't do that because bi-weekly meetings are required.

Plus I would love to visit Jill when she goes to college, AND Nicole and I were hoping to travel to South Dakota to meet one of the most amazing teachers I've ever had. So between those things and trying to find a day job, I'm not 100% sure what'll go down this summer. But at this point I think I'm just going to keep track of all the possibilities and as time goes on see what doors open and what doors close.

Not to sound conceited or arrogant or proud but in the humblest sense of the word, I am very blessed to be able to attend Mars Hill Church. They are my evidence of God's grace in my life, and they are the ones who taught me to look for God's incredible love and faithfulness.

Ahh I've been sitting here for a few minutes just staring at the computer screen. How great is our God! When I take the time to sit and just blows me away. I'm SO flawed. SO SO flawed. I can't even go a day without thinking or saying something prideful or hurtful. And yet He loves me. He came to earth! He died. and He has risen! And my soul knows sweet salvation.


My Jesus, I love Thee, I know Thou art mine. To Thee all the follies of sin I resign.

And I surrender all, I surrender all, all to Thee my blessed Savior, I surrender all.

I will arise and go to Jesus--He will embrace me in His arms and in the arms of my great Savior, oh there are     ten thousand charms.

Sorry, I just LOVE this song. If you listen to just one of the two, listen to this one.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Love These Days

you're my summer that fades
to these cold autumn days
you're my keepsake, my friend and my fears
you're the strength that's inside
and I swear on my life
I will always be there by your side

I don't want to see our lives
destroyed by dismay
in these times of try
we live or die again

Last night I watched a dumb movie with an amazing girl, texted with another amazing girl, closed at the restaurant with the bestest bartender ever, and woke up with time to talk with Jesus. 

Friday, January 29, 2010

I remember

I remember The black sky streaking
It was so cold, it was so cold,
You held my hand, and said you loved me,
I felt something, I felt something,

Lately I've feeling like this could last forever
This could last forever.

1 Thessalonians 1:5

4For we know, brothers loved by God, that he has chosen you, 5because our gospel came to you not only in word, but also in power and in the Holy Spirit and with full conviction.
Talked about idols in cg tonight.....again. Sometimes I get so sick of this super convicting stuff. I mean, not really, but there's a point where I just go "I GET IT GOD!!! I GET THAT I'M DOING THAT WRONG!! PLEASE just show me how to fix it!!!"

I have two big, identifiable idols:

  1. Identity--I have a very unstable identity which is a surprising thing to people who don't know me super well. A lot of who I am and what I do all hinge around being special, being unique, being loveable, being that girl that everyone wants to be. That's partly why I want to work in law enforcement. To be different. To do something unexpected and feel special. That's partly why I chose my school. That's partly why I raise guide dogs. That's partly why I bought a laptop and touch screen cell phone. But in reality--managing my identity has taken over my life. And it's totally not a God thing. When I take the time to sit and think about what God thinks of all this me me me me me stuff--he probably not only looks at me and goes "wow you're super self centered--which is totally screwed up because I created you to love and glorify ME" but he also probably thinks "man. *I* love you SO much. You don't have to care about what anyone else thinks because in MY eyes you're a princess and considering I'm GOD...that's a pretty big deal."
  2. Relationships--And I'm talking about all kinds here. I'm talking about building a good one with my parents, and my friends, and my future spouse, all of those take God's place in my life. If I were to sit down and spend time with Jesus but someone texts me, I'd answer the text. I discovered how much of a god-thing relationships have become to me when Jesus saw it fit to remove an idol from my life recently. It stung more than almost anything I've ever gone through. But through that experience I'm learning that people are only people. And, not to make any of my readers sad, but you are just a friend. You will mess up, you will disappoint me, we might drift apart, and you may decide I'm not worth your time or energy. As sad as that would be, I PRAY that if anyone becomes a god-person in my life that he will show me how I put them up in his place and that if I don't repent that he will take them away from me. 
Ugh. So much heaviness. I feel a burden on my shoulders. I feel like I will never get this "Christian" thing right. (even though I know I don't have to because Jesus paid it all, and all to HIM I owe) 

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Re:Scholarships--Thy Will Be Done

Right now I have sent in the paperwork for 6 scholarships. 3 of them I have a very good chance at winning. I put so much work in to them it kind of scares me. I poured my heart into those essays and all the paperwork and if I don't win any of them it will be very disappointing. BUT as I sealed them all up I prayed over the stuff I was submitting, for the people making the decisions, and for my future. If I don't get any of them there may be some opportunities for things to do instead of going to college right away. But if I do, it'll be an amazing provision! So either way--God's will be done.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Hard Things

I get e-mails from a group called the Rebelution. They're all about teens doing things that are unexpected from people their age. For instance, I got an e-mail today about how some kid raised thousands of dollars for Haiti. I think that's amazing. Bravo!

But I've always been that kid who hates being outdone. Yes, I get caught in the trap of doing the right things for the wrong reasons ALL the time. Why? I'm not sure. Maybe because I want to be noticed. People call it a competitive nature but I know that's all of it. 

Anyway. When I read the title of that e-mail, my first reaction was "wow, there are some pretty darn amazing kids out there. And here I just think I've had a full day when I go to school, do homework, and go to work." But then, after struggling with this idea that there could be some large, beautiful, amazing project for me to work on that would end in a lot of press and congratulations from famous people, I kind of just sat back and thought for a few minutes. And you know what I came up with? Well I'll tell you :)

I would love to be famous. That would be amazing and maybe something will fall in my lap someday and that would be sweet. But I'm so happy where I am right now. I'm HAPPY to be working my butt off in school every day. I'm HAPPY to go running even when it's physically difficult. I'm HAPPY to work simply as a waitress. I'm HAPPY without knowing anyone famous. I'm HAPPY to work on friendships. I'm HAPPY at the possibility of sharing Jesus with people. I'm HAPPY with routine, and I'm HAPPY with where God has taken my life. Yeah, sure, there's a lot I don't have. But there's a lot I do have. Why should I go looking for fame or popularity when I'm so happy right where I am?

Being a Rebelutionary doesn't just mean doing huge, big, important things. Sometimes I think doing big things is easier than just being happy where I'm at. Every day I can do hard things as the Rebelution promotes. Being a faithful student is hard. Turning in papers when no one else does them on time because you really don't have to is hard. Showing up to class every day is hard. Driving the speed limit is hard. Holding my tongue at work is hard. Spending time with my family can be hard. Inability to spend time with friends is hard.

Today I reminded myself to be faithful in the little things. Be happy with where I'm at. And not just be happy, but THRIVE. Because this exactly where I need to be at this point and time. I don't know why, all I can do is persevere in what is before me.

....and be happy.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Monday Survival Bag

All I need on a Monday is this bag, my computer, and cell phone.

You'll see it comes complete with school binders, keys, a water bottle, jazz shoes, and clothes to change out of after dance. You can't see it also contains chapstick, hand sanitizer, my drama texbook, a plethora of pens and pencils, deodorant, and a variety of hair accessories.

Yay for Mondays!

Evidences of God's Grace:
Doing well on my final scene performance
Making it into one of the 10 minute scenes
A great parking spot!

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Above Reproach

One of the goals of my life is to live a life above reproach. I am a sinner, I am a broken person, and I know I will epically fail time and time again at this goal. But that doesn't mean I can't strive for excellence. 

Let me be straightforward about some of my shortcomings. I don't always have other people's interest ahead of my own. Heck--I don't usually. I get mad sometimes. I can get very jealous and dissatisfied.

So with that out in the open, I still try. I want to live a life where--even with my faults--people can look at my life and SEE there's something different. Because I feel so free. I know Jesus knows I fail at being perfect every day, and he forgives me every day. So I can keep trying to show my love for him through my life. And I'll do that by taking life on the high road above the tempting, fun path.

Friday, January 22, 2010

When You're Stuck in a Delicate Situation

"No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man. And God is faithful and will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able. But WITH the temptation will also provide a way of escape that you may be able to endure it." I Corinthians 10:13

I received some terribly disappointing news from my parents today. As I left for cg, I was flooding my car with tears. But I had prayed before receiving the ultimatum that I would be able to glorify God and do His will no matter how the situation worked out. Half way down the hill by my house, God provided a way of escape from the downward spiral I could feel myself going into. I turned on worship music and began singing through my tears. I remember a quote from my communications textbook "I don't sing because I'm happy, I'm happy because I sing." Half way to the cg house, a brilliant inspiration struck that will both make my parents happy AND me happy (although it will mean I'll be gone from 8am-5:30pm twice a week) and I think it's a God-honoring compromise.

I love the way He shows Himself when I ask.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Blue badges and Pink peonies

Last night I visited my first Police Explorers meeting. It looks like an amazing group of kids, and what they do seems to be a little bit intense--but exactly what I'm looking for. So I'll turn in my application at the next meeting and we'll see where it goes from there. Hopefully someday soon I'll have some exciting news about that.

In Jazz Dance AND Advanced Acting we did push-ups today, and my arms are floppy and sore. I have a weird shoulder thing (which I'm hoping won't be a problem long-term!) and so doing push-ups kind of hurts, and plus I've neglected that part of my PT, leaving it for a later date when I have weight equipment to work with. My jazz teacher is ruthless. Not in a bad way, but I'm being pushed harder than I ever thought I'd be. She will make a dancer of me yet!

Recently the news about what's happening in Haiti has really hit me hard. Pastor Mark went down there for a few days and tweeted several things that broke my heart for those people. All this happened on Monday morning and that night before I went to work I decided that whatever I made in tips I would send to Haiti. Yes, that is usually the biggest part of my pay and it's kind of what's going to put me through college but I feel like if I don't give sacrificially--why give at all? So between me and God I went in and made $63 in tips that night (which is amazing for a Monday). I'm not saying this to boast about what a great kid I am or anything, I'm just hoping maybe someone somewhere will read this and realize that God might be calling them to give something as well. I'll probably be sending it to, the group Pastor Mark is part of.

That's all I really have to say. I'm kind of in the middle of a whirlwind, but it's nice. I think I'll be able to stay afloat--as long as I keep my priorities straight.

Evidences of God's Grace in my life:

  • Finding the Police Explorers
  • a great, encouraging, friendly table at work
  • remembering the dance combination
  • safety
  • ability to bless others financially

Sunday, January 17, 2010


So what do you do when you try to forgive, but the past keeps coming back and biting you in the butt? I think this sermon today on temptation is kind of hitting me. I work so hard to forgive, but exactly when I think I have it figured out--I either think of a great way to hurt someone back or I see something that physically hurts my heart and encourages me in building walls of bitterness.

Jesus, I'm begging you, teach me how to truly forgive.

And if you think about it--my two faithful readers--pray for me and that either the relationships will be restored or that I can peacefully let them go.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Hopelink Housing

Today my cg moved a bunch of stuff we had collected over the past few weeks into an apartment for a single mom who needs a transitional place to live. The great thing is that we gathered a ton of furniture and stuff and when she leaves the transitional housing (in a year) she gets to take it all with her! So basically we're giving her a jump start on her future.

Some of the stuff we needed to find were a dining room table and chairs, bed, crib, couch, silverware, coffee table, pots and pans, garbage cans, and a ton of other stuff. Basically think about everything around you that you take for granted. None of us have a ton of money, plus it's supposed to be gently used stuff, so finding everything with a tight budget would be a challenge and we knew that. But Greg thought we should go for it--and so we did.

We had 2 weeks to pull everything together. What we didn't have by today, she won't have. For instance, if we didn't get a bed, when she moved in she wouldn't have a bed. Some things were ridiculously hard to find. Like an inexpensive dining room table and chairs.Those things STARTED around $99 at the thrift shop. But as we looked around the room that we pulled together this morning I realized that God worked some amazing miracles. We got a bed, table set, coffee table, crib, changing table, and many many more things for free and were able to find quite a collection of inexpensive things. It was really a miracle and it blew me away that God  showed us his grace and provision in such a clear way.

And like we talked about on Thursday night, our God is real. He's the God that blessed David in the Old Testament, he's the God that worked miracles in the New Testament, and he's the God that has this amazing heaven in store for Christians when we die. It blows me away when I really stop and think about how powerful our God is, and that he provides for ME. Who am I that he should love me? I'm just a normal kid who screws up like the best of 'em and thinks she can do it all on her own. That is truly amazing love.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Such is life

to sit and spend time with Jesus
to study and keep myself afloat
to fight raging emotions
to Skype with Emily
to receive conviction at community group
to fellowship
to reject parts of the past
to press on
to daily remind myself Jesus is in control
to pray (and pray some more)
to dream
to primp for work
to do my best for Jesus' sake at work
to battle

........such is life.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

A snapsot of my day....

And my list of things to do:

  • "SCHEEP" on Ma
  • Read script as Ma
  • eat
  • begin Chapter 2 (comm)
  • re-read discussion info
  • start guided reflection
  • run 1.5 mi
  • finish Chapter 1 (drama)
  • Facebook Fx
  • study scene tech/look at site
  • 6:30--> Value Village
  • e-mail Mark
  • start K-12 Essay

Monday, January 11, 2010

Words of Wisdom from Derek Zoolander

"I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is."

I am very thankful for Mary and how she always makes me laugh. And I am thankful for friends that attend things I plan. And I'm thankful that there's some interest in getting a college group to go to MHBv at the 5. :)

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Sunday Night Refresh

Ahh going to evening services always leaves me refreshed and ready to go to school the next morning. Bring it on! Jill and I have decided we would like to get a group together to go to MHBv at 5 every week. And I am praying for the courage to invite non-Christian friends from school and work. I've just never really gone about asking and don't want it to seem like one of those non-feeling people who preach at you. And the only time I've ever asked someone they said "sorry I'm busy". Ugh.

So I will spend this week praying for opportunities and looking for those opportunities, and courageously, in faith, stepping out and taking Jesus up on the challenge of living life in a risky way.

After all--what is my faith without challenges?

Saturday, January 9, 2010

This Defines It

People often ask why I want to work in law enforcement. I wrote this for a scholarship in one of those moments of inspiration and it really defines my reasons.

To be the change, to be the difference, to be the hope for someone—all of that is possible as a police officer. Every day police officers go to work and save lives. More specifically, I desire to work as a police officer in a K-9 Unit. Twice a week I volunteer at Echo Glen Children’s Center—a place where kids convicted of felonies live, go to school, and learn how to re-direct their lives. While there, I hear stories about how K-9 officers and their dogs have tracked down many criminals and uncovered stashes of narcotics. Knowing that as a K-9 officer I could help teens’ lives by putting drug dealers behind bars, that as a patrol officer I could alter a child’s future by removing him from an abusive home, that as an officer in general I could inspire youth to pursue the high road, all of this defines why I desire to work in law enforcement. I know that the road to a career in law enforcement is long and difficult. But I am driven. I know anything—even the most difficult things—are possible when I put my mind to the task at hand. “My” kids at Echo Glen may have learned how to be a good citizen from me, but working with them pointed out a direction for my future.
 I am excited to see how God leads as I pursue this field of study.

Friday, January 8, 2010


24 hours don't seem like nearly long enough for one day. At least not when that day includes homework, seeing a friend, working, working out, spending time with Jesus, and sleeping. Maybe I just won't sleep. ;)

But I don't think I'm quite at the stressed out point yet. Just trying to figure out the best use of my time. Last night at cg we talked about Solomon and how when God gave him one wish, he asked for wisdom. I think, honestly, that would be my request too. So much of life would be easier if I KNEW I was doing God's will.

I am thankful for:
early morning coffee and Melinda
no school on Fridays
mango tangerine candles
my job and co-workers

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

My hero (3)

So far I've posted about heroes from the Bible and from older people who are like mentors to me. This third person is a different type of hero. She's the person who I can trust. She's the person who knows me well enough to call me out on things I'm doing wrong. She's the person who will talk with me for hours about life. She's the person who can point everything to Jesus and inspires me to live in view of him. She's the person I can text at any point of the day and she'll respond. And she's the person who I know really does pray for me.

Every day (and sometimes multiple times in a day) I think God for Emily Yeaton and that He's allowed her to be in my life.

Emily may not think of herself as a hero, but she has no idea how much she's taught me. In my mind, a hero is not just someone who saves the world. It's a person who you can look to for advice or as an example. Just in the past few months through her Jesus has been teaching me

  1. how to be content and even thrive wherever God puts you
  2. how to identify idols in my life
  3. be anxious for NOTHING
  4. that God will always provide a listening ear in my time of need
I love you Emily Yeaton.

P.S. She does save the her spare time

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Second day burn-out

Is it bad that I'm 2 days into school and already spending the evening eating ice cream and watching The Bachelor when I should be working on scholarship applications? *sigh* Well I have discovered that this quarter will be absolutely insane. One of my biggest priorities will be to stay grounded for the next few months. I know I have the potential to lean towards over-committing and getting overwhelmed and forgetting what is really important. So I'm hoping my Christian friends and especially community group members will help me when I get off track and not be afraid to call me out and ask if I've been spending time with Jesus.

Evidences of God's Grace:
Having 3 unexpected friends in classes with me
Some good times reading books by godly authors

Monday, January 4, 2010

Piper and Rainy Days

I spent this morning pumped and ready for my first two classes of Winter Quarter 2010! After 25 minutes in the parking lot, I finally found a parking spot and dashed to my class, knowing I'd be a little late. Fortunately, since it's the first day, the teacher was just going around the circle inquiring about how much dance experience each of us had. After the brief "getting to know you" session she informed us we were done for the day. That's supposed to be a 2 hour class. And then I have an hour before my next class. So I ended up having 2 1/2 hours before my next class (which is now in 10 minutes).

The ever-present rain made me want to just curl up with a book and--glory be--I had packed my Bible and Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper along with my school paraphernalia. So I spent a good hour and a half with Mister Piper discovering what it means to live for Jesus at work. Let me share the conclusion with you...
Secular work is not a waste when we make much of Christ from 8 to 5. God's will in this age is that his people be scattered like salt and light in all legitimate vocations. His aim is to be known, because knowing him is life and joy. He does not call us out of the world. He does not remove the need to work. He does not destroy society and culture. Through his scattered saints he spreads a passion for supremacy in all things for the joy of all peoples. If you work like the world, you will waste your life, no matter how rich you get. But if your work provides a web of redemptive relationships and becomes an adornment for the Gospel of of the glory of Christ, your satisfaction will last forever, and God will be exalted in your joy.