And you take me the way I am.

I can't remember if it was one of the chapters in the Girls Gone Wise book or one of Pastor Mark's Real Marriage sermons that got me thinking about this. Someone said that you need to stop making just the lists of things you want in your future husband, you need to make the list of things you want to BE for your future husband.

Caring, able to accept correction, capable, strong, humble, servant-like, a place of refuge. That's the little list.

I spent this afternoon watching my mentor's 4 and 7 year-old boys . It's weird because I could kind of see what it would be like to be a mom. I've babysat 5 million times, but I've been thinking a lot about marriage, family, and how to prepare myself for my future jobs. Man, I think the biggest thing I need to work on is patience. After losing at checkers, 2 games of Sorry, and a math game I was frustrated. I realized that not only am I really competitive, I'm also really used to getting my own way. As in, if I want to go to my room and watch a movie, I can. If I want to go outside and walk, I can. Pastor Mark says that single people are the most selfish people, and that hit me really hard. I'm really excited to be a wife and mother someday and I'm praying that God will be teaching me the character of a godly one.

It's odd how much my perspective has changed in a couple of weeks spent really looking at marriage and being a woman. Strength doesn't need to be defiant and saying "I can do anything a man can do." Don't get me wrong, I'm still trying to be in the law enforcement field because I really want to help people. But I can do that AND be gracious.

We found love in a hopeless place

Let's be honest. Life gets ahead of you sometimes. In trying to stay on top of everything, I'd lost sight of Jesus. That and I didn't care. Some people call it a "dry spell in your faith" but here's what it was for me. I knew God is awesome. I knew He was always around. I knew He was giving me everything I had. I prayed when I was thankful or needed something. But beyond that I didn't feel compelled to spend time with Him. 

It's like when you're working out every day and then you take a break. That one day turns into two, and since working out takes so much time you realize that you don't need to do it ALL the time. After all, you seem to be in decent shape when you're not a regular visitor. But then you start going back every day because you feel like crud, and the daily workouts feel so good and make you feel solid. That's where I'm at right now. Physically and spiritually.

Ask Jesus to work and He will. I have a list of things I've been convicted of. Want to hear them? Great. I'm glad you do. I need to work on: being a servant, changing my views of femininity, my tendency to jump to defensiveness, using my time well, watching what I say, and more. Pretty good list, I'd say. So far, I've seen tiny little baby steps of progress. 

Also, today my advisor/head of the department/public speaking professor pulled my 2 best Communication Major friends and I aside after class and asked us to help him in a seminar about public speaking. I was blown away. I took advanced public speaking with him, but didn't think I was near one of the top 3 speakers in the department. The other big blessing I got in the mail was a letter saying I'm a Dean's Scholar. Apparently, there are 34 students in the College of Arts and Humanities who qualify. I appreciate that God shows me He notices all the little things I do. 

I think the hardest thing on my list of convictions is the servanthood. It's about doing the extra work and not complaining. It's kind of integrity. Like when I go on duty and there is a week of old posters that haven't been taken down/put up--that's frustrating to me since it's the other RAs job to do that. But just fixing the problem with out whining to people afterwards....that's being a servant. Or talking the people that others seem to avoid. Or helping out wherever I can. It's tough because deep down I have a problem being "inconvenienced". But God is good in helping me change.

Evidences of God's Grace:

• beautiful weather
• the Japanese Garden
• good people winning the ASCWU BOD election
• raising $45 for an orphanage through our Pie Your RA program
• class cancelled today
• my computer is over 4 years old and still working
• a wonderful chat with Nicole
• seeing Kelsie even with her new job

I am the luckiest

What a great day. Beautiful. Just reminded by the sun and 79 degree heat how much God knows what we need. See I have weather issues. When it's cloudy, I tend toward the melancholy sad side. Not that it's been rainy and cloudy a lot here, but recently I just needed sun.

This is what I saw. My bestie Brittney, my favorite Katie, former (forever) roomie Alex, and lovely Emily and I went to a cute Bavarian town a couple of hours from campus. We had a great time visiting all the shops, getting lunch, ice cream, sampling food, bathroom hunting, and just hanging out/finding silly sayings/doing silly things.

I liked this one a lot :) But anyway, apparently last year when we went on our yearly trip, I was frustrated about something that I don't really remember. What was really odd is that situation came up multiple times. I know that I'm a very passionate person, and I know that every once in a while, I am the kind of pitbull that will hold onto a position that I hold with a locked jaw and no intention of letting go. I had no idea that what I did last year was such a big deal that it was one of the first things brought up when we were talking about "remember how last year...". What a reality check. Man, there are times that this is really important. I think that it's a factor in what makes me successful. I know that I want perfection and I won't give up until I've come as close as I can. However, in friendships it brings an interesting dimension. It was convicting again about how highly I think of myself. I feel like I'm always right. What pride. That's pride that Jesus died for. I was convicted earlier about having my heart in the right place, but I think it also needs to be changed.

But despite the few awkward conversations, I really enjoyed the day. I'm going to miss those ladies, and I REALLY hope I can go with them next year.

When I came back home, Kelsie and I got food. She decided to get cereal which she proceeded to spill on the cafeteria floor. I was laughing so hard that my head hurt! Then I got to have a nice chat with Danielle. She is so sweet. I have gotten to actually talk to her twice in a couple of days and I hope I get a lot more time with her.

Evidences of God's grace:

• minimal sunburn
• a joyful trip
• power! I have a fan to keep me cool tonight. 
• not having homework

Humility. Respect.

Humility. I've talked about it before, but I'm learning about it in a whole new way.

I've been mentally struggling with the fact that out of the 5 people that showed up to practice for the 4 person honor guard, *I* was the one chosen as the alternate. I had my reasons for why I think I would be better, and I told a few close friends but you know, sometimes it's just good to be back-up...not always front and center. Today it turns out my dedication to the team--even though I was the alternate--has paid off and I'll be part of the legit honor guard. When I found out, I just got blown away by this. It's a huge evidence of God's grace and now I'm very excited.

Also, things are just different when you're on the bottom of the totem pole. These days in our society, people are so very casual. Especially in Seattle. But working in the PD, you have to be so so very respectful. When we're talking to someone of high rank, we have to stand at attention. When talking to any officer at all, it's always "yes sir" "no sir". Respect. And they definitely deserve the respect. Both our officer advisor and the lieutenant who helped us out today have been doing this for years and years and are amazing officers.

On a non-character related note, I'm having an awesome time working with the Explorers (RPDE). Every time we learn something new or run something, I keep thinking "yes, this is what I want to do with my life."