Sunday, December 6, 2009

Whatever's in front of me, I choose to sing Hallelujah

Let me tell you a little about myself. I love to plan. And I love security. So for me, the unexpected freaks me out.  I have always had a hard time with submitting myself to God's great timing and plan. The lesson never seems to grow old. I discover this in the big picture things. Like marriage. Today while talking with Jill and Michelle, I was astounded by how willing they, as 27 and 24 year old women, are able to say "you know, I'd love to get married, but if that's not what God has for me, that's ok too." I've recently been having a hard time with losing a friend and the thought has crossed my mind once or twice that it would be nice to have someone in my life for this time--who I know would be there for me. Plus it's just hard, in this society, to be strong without a boyfriend. But thankfully, with Jill and Michelle's encouragement,  I too can say "in God's timing".

Also, I might seem like just a bubbly, happy teenager but I have very deep emotions about things. I'm so devoted to my friends and my mom and brothers. Nothing makes my day more than getting to hang out or talk to a friend. So I'm thankful for those people who understand that, and make an effort to be involved in my life. I've spent a lot of time thinking, and a lot of time talking to amazing people, and I'm going to make a conscious effort to become more involved here.

However that doesn't mean the hurt goes away. This uncertainty about if one of my best friends still wants to be involved in my life, it hurts. Just random times I'll be sitting, doing nothing in particular, and wonder if she's mad at me. When I spend more than 30 minutes with my family and some rude comment or snide remark is made, it hurts. But it brings me back to Jesus. And if that's what it takes to make me think of Him, and make me praise Him--bring it on.

My prayer is that in everything I will truly be able to see Jesus, show Jesus, or praise Jesus. Like we sang in church today "so I will come to You, offering all I do, opening up my hands, in sweet surrender." When I really stop to think about it, I can't even begin to comprehend why the heck I don't live every moment in view of how amazing He is. Today the biggest evidence of God's grace is that he shows himself to me.

Whatever's in front of me
I choose to sing Hallelujah

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