Reflections

So what is it that really matters in life? Is it the number of friends you have on Facebook? Is it whether or not you have the latest model of phone? Is it how often you play Scrabble with your siblings or if you get invited to the hottest Christmas parties? Does it really matter if your church has 1,000 or 28 people? Who cares if you don't wear designer jeans? When your blog isn't as interesting as someone else's or your make-up doesn't look as nice will the world end? Can a warm puppy kiss actually make happiness? And does rain need to make you sad? Why are arguments always a bad thing? If two people disagree can they see they're both partially at fault?


I can't believe all that has happened this year. I hated school, graduated from school, and loved college. I said 'hi again', 'goodbye', and 'welcome to my world' to guide dog puppies Vortex and Janda. I grew to love Vortex more than any dog (besides Arturo) and it broke my heart when he left. I missed his graduation as a guide dog and will never see him again--but he's happy. I had a best friend who walked me through the pain of disappointment, got to spend a weekend at her house in Chicago, went through some challenging stuff, and am now figuring out how to deal with jealousy, pain, bitterness, and the power of forgiveness. I learned that just because someone has committed a felony it doesn't mean that they are "bad" and need to be avoided. Along with that, I learned that volunteering at Echo Glen may have changed "my kids'" lives, but it DEFINITELY changed mine. I discovered that making traditions is a blast. Friday night movies and ice cream will live forever. And taking trips to downtown Seattle can involve spending way too much money, shopping for hours, and getting lost. 


I learned that my heart has enough room for two fantastic churches. That parents can be wrong. I discovered that taking risks often lead to tremendous rewards. I found that Jesus can be new and exciting every morning and that reading my Bible makes my day much brighter. I learned the power of confessing sin and asking for prayer. I found that even community group leaders you've only known a few months can really really care about you. Also that no matter how loud the band, worshiping Jesus can be hindered if I'm concerned about what other people think. I discovered that writing in my Bible is a helpful tool to recall things later. I discovered that working with toddlers in children's ministry is exhausting.


I have bought two tubes of mascara, dozens of books, and hundreds of sticks of gum. I purchased my first ever cigarette lighter (for work!!!). I received more gifts than any year before and for no reason but I managed to survive 12 years of school. I followed the lives of dozens of puppies in training through blogs. I got my braces taken off. I shampooed the rugs in our entire house. I made a new best friend. My new best friend took a class with me at school and then left for college. But she's still beyond amazing. I conquered swine flu and 80 straight hours locked in my room. I spent my last weekend at Camp Casey as a high school student. I wrote the lyrics to a song. I spent one of the most powerful hours (and a half) alone on a beach with just Jesus, my Bible, and journal. I worked 40+ hours a week over the summer and had 3 jobs for one of those weeks. I found my dream college and struggled with surrendering that dream when Jesus took it back.  Over the past year I've cried hard, but laughed harder. I've discovered that I do have a very serious and intense side. And that it's not weakness to show when I'm hurting. I painted a few faces, popped a few bags of kettle corn, and talked to a few neighbors. I made a conscious effort to be Jesus. And failed many times. I learned that I can, indeed, think through the hard questions. And when I get to the point that I can't think anymore, I can ask people who are more mature than me for their opinions. I learned that even when you invest your life in a person--they won't always return the investment. And that one of the hardest things in life is losing a best friend. I found that older brothers are always good to have around, and that younger ones can be the sweetest things. 


I found my wings this year. And I found where I want to fly.


2009 has been a year of ups and downs. I've reached some of the highest highs and the lowest lows. 


And I'm pressing on.

Hope

This is for certain special friends... If you think it's for you, it probably is. :)

Let me not to the marriage of true minds

 Admit impediments. Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

 Or bends with the remover to remove:

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark

 That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wandering bark,

 Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks

 Within his bending sickle's compass come:

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

 But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me proved,

 I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Tuesday night insanity

Let the wild rumpus start!

i.e. I'm going to Shannon's tonight :)

My hero (2)

She'd be the first one to say that she doesn't deserve to be a hero. Just an ordinary married girl who loves Jesus. That's how she'd describe herself. But she is a hero, a mentor, and someone I very much want to be like.

Heather Day

She was the first person to talk to me at the Avondale cg. I was petrified of walking in that door, but she was very welcoming and made me feel right at home. She was the first one of the bunch who gave me her number and I knew right away that she cared. Heather introduced me to the group and she's the main reason I stayed.

One of my favorite things about her is that she really loves Jesus and is willing to pray for me. She knows about as much of my life, if not more, than my other good friends. And I'm not one to share easily. But I feel like I'm safe with her.

I want to be as genuinely caring, honest, friendly, and in to Jesus as she is. Shhh don't tell her, though. She'd just laugh and say she doesn't deserve it.

Evidences of God's Grace:

warm bread and garlic butter

talking with Peter

an awesome new picture of Daniel

my flat iron

My problem with "church"

Ok, so I happen to be blessed immensely by being able to go to Mars Hill Church and sit under the preaching of godly men like Chris Swan, Bill Clem, and Mark Driscoll. However--I have noticed that even though I receive some of the strongest Bible teaching in the nation, going to church has again become a chore/social event some days. When I'm surrounded by this amazing preaching I've started losing the amazing-ness of it.

Today on my way home from visiting Mars Hill Church's Ballard campus I was pondering this phenomenon. Let me explain a bit about Mars Hill Church (MH). We are one church in 10 separate locations (a.k.a. campuses). Most of the time Mark Driscoll preaches live at the "hub" of MH, the Ballard campus and the rest of the campuses watch that sermon via a video the next week. Occasionally the "campus pastors" will also preach a live sermon at their own campuses. I, personally, go to MH's Bellevue Campus (a.k.a. Bellevue).

So with that being said, I think I figured out my problem--why this complacency has set in. Getting to know people in a church is a hugely important thing. I can't say enough about how important community is in my relationship with Jesus. However once I made friends, I started worrying about what they think of me, how I look, etc. I want to impress THEM instead of focusing on the reason I'm there. Also when I've gotten to know the bands, learned Pastor Chris' vision for Bellevue and his style of preaching, gotten used to the flow of a Bellevue service, it just becomes commonplace. Visiting Ballard was a fantastic experience. Going to another campus just shakes it up a bit. The band played the same songs I'm used to, but differently. Pastor Bill spoke about the same Jesus I'm used to, just with a different focus. The people around me worshiped hardcore like we do, but I didn't know them so it didn't matter what they thought of me.

My resolution, having experienced this amazing thing, is to visit other campuses frequently. That could mean once a month or once a quarter, but I want to shake up my routine a bit and experience Jesus in a whole new way every time I think I'm getting complacent.

It is well

When peace like a river attendeth my way

when sorrows like sea billows roll

whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say

"it is well, it is well, with my soul"

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come

let this blessed assurance control

that Christ has regarded my helpless estate

and has shed His own blood for my soul

My sin--oh the bliss of this glorious thought

my sin not in part, but the whole

is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more

praise the Lord! praise the Lord oh my soul

Merry Christmas

glory to God in the highest

for unto us a son is given

peace on earth and good will to men