Friday, February 14, 2014

Lessons in singleness

It hit me the other day that as a single girl I'm all messed up. It really hit me when I saw flowers at the grocery store and was sad because no one brings me flowers. Then I realized, why do I need to wait for someone to bring me flowers? I've spent so long waiting for later that I haven't been noticing what I'm learning NOW. 

With that said, I have a wonderful best friend who I've gone through a lot with. She has taught me 4 things that are priceless:

1. I'm not always right. I'm not the type of person who just says stuff, usually it's based on fact or experience. But as much as it shocks me, I'm not always right. And let me tell you it's the hardest thing in the world to admit that. My best friend has been gracious and loving and sometimes stubborn and I'm learning that it's ok to be wrong. No one is perfect. 

2. When to just say "ok". Along with that last one, when I know I'm correct I don't like to let it go. Deep down it's a pride issue. I know I'm right and you're wrong, and I'm going to make you see that. Even if it makes you upset or hurt, I have a need to justify myself and always prove that you're wrong. After a few arguments that hurt a lot (and I'm sure hurt her, too), I've found that I care about her so much that I don't want her to be sad over a ridiculous issue. It really doesn't matter if she thinks that we didn't talk about our weekend plans...instead, just move on and discuss it again. What good does it really do to correct every little thing? Sure sometimes I need to adamantly defend a position, but most of the time, it's ok to just let stuff go.

3. How to be KNOWN. I struggle with being vulnerable. I'm really good at pretending to be. I've gone through some crappy stuff but I don't mind talking about it and sharing my story with people. It makes it seem like "oh wow she really opened up to me", but I really haven't. When I hang out with people or start new relationships I like to ask questions. I'm a communication major so that's naturally what I like to do--communicate. People love to talk about themselves, and I love to listen, so that's usually my "job" with my friends. There are very very very few people who actually know me. Who I feel like I can express the full extent of my emotions or experiences to. It's scary because once you share that with someone, they hold a piece of you that they can either choose to protect or share with other people. I told her something the other day that I hadn't shared with anyone, and it was terrifying. But it's safe with her.

4. How to accept gifts/compliments. So we've already established that I have issues. One of them is that I don't believe people are being genuine when they give gifts or compliments. In my head, saying someone looks good or does their job well is kind of expected. Same with giving gifts...people do it either to get on someone's good side or because they feel obligated. Part of being loved by someone is to learn to take things graciously and to believe in their sincerity. I'm still cynical enough that I don't think the majority of people are genuine, but the ones who truly care are just trying to express how they feel. 

So the way I'm trying to look at things is instead of wasting these years of singleness, it's a perfect time to just grow and learn things that God has for me. I'm sure my future man will appreciate it :)

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