Endless

The possibilities for summer activities are endless. Today, the director of a summer camp asked some of my friends at Mars Hill and I if we were college students and told us we should apply to work there. Pay is $150/week which isn't amazing but it would be an awesome experience! Even for part of the summer.

Also, Mars Hill might be sending missions teams to Haiti and that may be something God wants me to join in on. I dunno.

I also realized that joining the Police Explorers may mean I can't do that because bi-weekly meetings are required.

Plus I would love to visit Jill when she goes to college, AND Nicole and I were hoping to travel to South Dakota to meet one of the most amazing teachers I've ever had. So between those things and trying to find a day job, I'm not 100% sure what'll go down this summer. But at this point I think I'm just going to keep track of all the possibilities and as time goes on see what doors open and what doors close.

Not to sound conceited or arrogant or proud but in the humblest sense of the word, I am very blessed to be able to attend Mars Hill Church. They are my evidence of God's grace in my life, and they are the ones who taught me to look for God's incredible love and faithfulness.

Ahh I've been sitting here for a few minutes just staring at the computer screen. How great is our God! When I take the time to sit and just think....it blows me away. I'm SO flawed. SO SO flawed. I can't even go a day without thinking or saying something prideful or hurtful. And yet He loves me. He came to earth! He died. and He has risen! And my soul knows sweet salvation.

"

My Jesus, I love Thee, I know Thou art mine. To Thee all the follies of sin I resign.

And I surrender all, I surrender all, all to Thee my blessed Savior, I surrender all.

I will arise and go to Jesus--He will embrace me in His arms and in the arms of my great Savior, oh there are     ten thousand charms.

Sorry, I just LOVE this song. If you listen to just one of the two, listen to this one.
"

Love These Days

you're my summer that fades
to these cold autumn days
you're my keepsake, my friend and my fears
you're the strength that's inside
and I swear on my life
I will always be there by your side

I don't want to see our lives
destroyed by dismay
in these times of try
we live or die again




Last night I watched a dumb movie with an amazing girl, texted with another amazing girl, closed at the restaurant with the bestest bartender ever, and woke up with time to talk with Jesus. 

I remember

I remember The black sky streaking
It was so cold, it was so cold,
You held my hand, and said you loved me,
I felt something, I felt something,


Lately I've feeling like this could last forever
This could last forever.

1 Thessalonians 1:5

⁴For we know, brothers loved by God, that he has chosen you, ⁵because our gospel came to you not only in word, but also in power and in the Holy Spirit and with full conviction.

Talked about idols in cg tonight.....again. Sometimes I get so sick of this super convicting stuff. I mean, not really, but there's a point where I just go "I GET IT GOD!!! I GET THAT I'M DOING THAT WRONG!! PLEASE just show me how to fix it!!!"

I have two big, identifiable idols:

1. Identity--I have a very unstable identity which is a surprising thing to people who don't know me super well. A lot of who I am and what I do all hinge around being special, being unique, being loveable, being that girl that everyone wants to be. That's partly why I want to work in law enforcement. To be different. To do something unexpected and feel special. That's partly why I chose my school. That's partly why I raise guide dogs. That's partly why I bought a laptop and touch screen cell phone. But in reality--managing my identity has taken over my life. And it's totally not a God thing. When I take the time to sit and think about what God thinks of all this me me me me me stuff--he probably not only looks at me and goes "wow you're super self centered--which is totally screwed up because I created you to love and glorify ME" but he also probably thinks "man. *I* love you SO much. You don't have to care about what anyone else thinks because in MY eyes you're a princess and considering I'm GOD...that's a pretty big deal."
2. Relationships--And I'm talking about all kinds here. I'm talking about building a good one with my parents, and my friends, and my future spouse, all of those take God's place in my life. If I were to sit down and spend time with Jesus but someone texts me, I'd answer the text. I discovered how much of a god-thing relationships have become to me when Jesus saw it fit to remove an idol from my life recently. It stung more than almost anything I've ever gone through. But through that experience I'm learning that people are only people. And, not to make any of my readers sad, but you are just a friend. You will mess up, you will disappoint me, we might drift apart, and you may decide I'm not worth your time or energy. As sad as that would be, I PRAY that if anyone becomes a god-person in my life that he will show me how I put them up in his place and that if I don't repent that he will take them away from me. 

Ugh. So much heaviness. I feel a burden on my shoulders. I feel like I will never get this "Christian" thing right. (even though I know I don't have to because Jesus paid it all, and all to HIM I owe) 

Re:Scholarships--Thy Will Be Done

Right now I have sent in the paperwork for 6 scholarships. 3 of them I have a very good chance at winning. I put so much work in to them it kind of scares me. I poured my heart into those essays and all the paperwork and if I don't win any of them it will be very disappointing. BUT as I sealed them all up I prayed over the stuff I was submitting, for the people making the decisions, and for my future. If I don't get any of them there may be some opportunities for things to do instead of going to college right away. But if I do, it'll be an amazing provision! So either way--God's will be done.

Hard Things

I get e-mails from a group called the Rebelution. They're all about teens doing things that are unexpected from people their age. For instance, I got an e-mail today about how some kid raised thousands of dollars for Haiti. I think that's amazing. Bravo!

But I've always been that kid who hates being outdone. Yes, I get caught in the trap of doing the right things for the wrong reasons ALL the time. Why? I'm not sure. Maybe because I want to be noticed. People call it a competitive nature but I know that's all of it. 

Anyway. When I read the title of that e-mail, my first reaction was "wow, there are some pretty darn amazing kids out there. And here I just think I've had a full day when I go to school, do homework, and go to work." But then, after struggling with this idea that there could be some large, beautiful, amazing project for me to work on that would end in a lot of press and congratulations from famous people, I kind of just sat back and thought for a few minutes. And you know what I came up with? Well I'll tell you :)

I would love to be famous. That would be amazing and maybe something will fall in my lap someday and that would be sweet. But I'm so happy where I am right now. I'm HAPPY to be working my butt off in school every day. I'm HAPPY to go running even when it's physically difficult. I'm HAPPY to work simply as a waitress. I'm HAPPY without knowing anyone famous. I'm HAPPY to work on friendships. I'm HAPPY at the possibility of sharing Jesus with people. I'm HAPPY with routine, and I'm HAPPY with where God has taken my life. Yeah, sure, there's a lot I don't have. But there's a lot I do have. Why should I go looking for fame or popularity when I'm so happy right where I am?

Being a Rebelutionary doesn't just mean doing huge, big, important things. Sometimes I think doing big things is easier than just being happy where I'm at. Every day I can do hard things as the Rebelution promotes. Being a faithful student is hard. Turning in papers when no one else does them on time because you really don't have to is hard. Showing up to class every day is hard. Driving the speed limit is hard. Holding my tongue at work is hard. Spending time with my family can be hard. Inability to spend time with friends is hard.

Today I reminded myself to be faithful in the little things. Be happy with where I'm at. And not just be happy, but THRIVE. Because this exactly where I need to be at this point and time. I don't know why, all I can do is persevere in what is before me.

....and be happy.

Monday Survival Bag

All I need on a Monday is this bag, my computer, and cell phone.

You'll see it comes complete with school binders, keys, a water bottle, jazz shoes, and clothes to change out of after dance. You can't see it also contains chapstick, hand sanitizer, my drama texbook, a plethora of pens and pencils, deodorant, and a variety of hair accessories.

Yay for Mondays!

Evidences of God's Grace:

Doing well on my final scene performance

Making it into one of the 10 minute scenes

A great parking spot!