Running Just to Catch Myself

My Life Song

Alright, so I'm not going to rant. BUT, I got a C- on my first research paper in my class. I think I deserved a much higher grade for many reasons. One of them is that she never provided us with any kind of grading criteria. So how was I to know what she was looking for?


Tomorrow I'm going to talk with her and see if I can get more specific criterion for this next paper and also see if I can re-do the paper for credit. Dude. I'm an honors English student. I can write good papers. Ug.

In other news, I'm learning about peace...again. I'm still stressing about the competition next weekend. Officer G told our Captain to practice a lot with us, but with the honor guard taking priority. To be honest, I'd much rather spend time working mock scenes than drilling with the flags. So that verse "be anxious for nothing" keeps running through my head. EVERY morning I wake up nervous. EVERY afternoon I look at my uniform and my stomach turns.

be anxious for nothing, but in everything with prayer and supplication let your requests be made known to God


On yet ANOTHER note, "Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope."  ~Josh Billings

Humility. Respect.

Humility. I've talked about it before, but I'm learning about it in a whole new way.

I've been mentally struggling with the fact that out of the 5 people that showed up to practice for the 4 person honor guard, *I* was the one chosen as the alternate. I had my reasons for why I think I would be better, and I told a few close friends but you know, sometimes it's just good to be back-up...not always front and center. Today it turns out my dedication to the team--even though I was the alternate--has paid off and I'll be part of the legit honor guard. When I found out, I just got blown away by this. It's a huge evidence of God's grace and now I'm very excited.

Also, things are just different when you're on the bottom of the totem pole. These days in our society, people are so very casual. Especially in Seattle. But working in the PD, you have to be so so very respectful. When we're talking to someone of high rank, we have to stand at attention. When talking to any officer at all, it's always "yes sir" "no sir". Respect. And they definitely deserve the respect. Both our officer advisor and the lieutenant who helped us out today have been doing this for years and years and are amazing officers.

On a non-character related note, I'm having an awesome time working with the Explorers (RPDE). Every time we learn something new or run something, I keep thinking "yes, this is what I want to do with my life."

"Live in a big, bold way....with humility"--Pastor Mark

This will be the struggle of my life.

Drill and Ceremony

Yesterday was just an average day, doing average things. I went to the shoe store to try to find new shoes for my Explorer uniform. While I was there, I got a call from our Explorer Chief. She wanted to know if I could make it over to the station that night for honor guard training. The post is doing the flag presentation for somebody in a few weeks, and they needed an alternate in case someone got sick. So I spent 2.5 hours learning drill and ceremony. It was an amazing time!

At first, I confess, I was bored. For the first half hour, we watched the primary team train. THEN, it was our turn! Amazing. That's the only way I can think of to describe it. Hard. That's the other word. We learned commands and techniques to present the rifles, march with the rifles, stand at attention with the rifles, shoulder the rifles, and a bunch of drill commands. Everything is so specific and sharp. I mean, when you turn 90 degrees, standing in place, it's a 2-step process. First, you pivot, then you snap your feet together. It's like that for everything. You do everything in steps and they all have to be very precise.

One of the girls from the Civil Air Patrol (who was training us) mentioned that I should join CAP because I was picking up D&C so quickly. I think it has to do with dance training. Just being very aware of every small movement that your body is making and doing things with careful precision.

Anyway, it was a great great experience. I mean, a whole day later I'm still going over different maneuvers in my head :) I'm SO glad I'm working with the Explorers. I'm still petrified of this competition that I'm going to in 2 weeks, but it'll be a great experience. I just need to get the Explorer/police mentality engrained in me, and then I think everything will come easier.

Blessings here, blessings there

blessings here, blessing there, God sends blessings everywhere!

Man, from having Janda again to my uniform pants "just happening" to be in stock at the store, God blesses me all over the place.

Tonight I half trained a new server at work and we just had a fantastic time. I don't know how to explain it, but I have this incredible peace about life that can't be shaken. Not even with the paper due at 7:30am tomorrow morning or the friends who aren't being friendly. What's weird to me is that I keep forgetting to spend time with Jesus. I know that sounds awful but it has somehow slipped out of my routine. And yet I'm still in love with Jesus--even though I'm not thinking about Him as often as I should be. And there's still that crazy peace blanketing my life. And I'm so thankful for it.

May 2nd, 2010

• extended night of worship
• 3 year olds. seriously.
• meeting Bellevue Police officers at Chipotle
• community
• being challenged in my complacency 
• flowers from Caleb
• grande skinny vanilla latte
• Jessie 
• hugs from Emily J without any explanation
• realizing that compared to Jesus, I'm pretty pathetic
• prayer

All evidences of God's grace in my life...all happened today.

don't

There is so much that can't be shared on here since this is public domain. Ugh. But I think over all, the word that describes my past week(end) is "don't". Don't get distracted. Don't get nervous. Don't let your temper flare. Don't back down. Don't rush. Don't despair. Don't forget to forgive. Don't spend money. Don't sleep. Don't put off reading my Bible.